The harsh reality of long distance relationship

Boy meets girl

Once upon a time, boy meets girl and they become friends. Somehow along the way, their relationship evolve. So, they both decide to give it a shot. They go on a first date and realize that it might work. Turns out they are a perfect match. But the girl has this dream. She wants to see the world. Boy understands and lets her live her dreams. And that’s how we ended up in a long-distance relationship.

goodbye barry

Truth be told, long distance relationship (LDR) sucks. Before being in one, I had this romanticized idea of the whole thing. Blame it on the fact that I’m a hopeless romantic. I thought it was so romantic to wait for another person. Doesn’t distance make the heart grow fonder? Okay, I might have indulged too much in “Dear John” and all those cheesy movies. My friends and family might have also contributed to my delusions. Since most of them have experienced one and it turned out just fine.

dreamy

Last year, my big cousin got married to her long-term long distance boyfriend. I kept telling myself that if this worked for her, why wouldn’t it work for me? I guess that’s how I found the courage to leave my boyfriend in Mauritius and move across the world. I clung to this idea until the plane took off and I realized the full impact of my decision. And that’s when it hit me and I started crying next to that British guy.

bawling

Eight months later, we are still an item stronger than ever. Despite the eight hours (nine during winter) of time difference and physical distance. Somehow our relationship withstood the challenge. But it’s not without effort and some pain. And did I mention loneliness and a pinch of envy when you see couples? It is as if you are back to being single without actually being single. I have this urge to run every time I see a couple.

third wheel

There are random moments when the distance really gets to me. I get so frustrated that when it is daytime for me, it is nighttime for him. These are the days when I literally feel the distance between us. Especially when I am going through some rough time and I wish I could hold and talk to my boyfriend. Consequently, I have become that irritating friend who always brings her boyfriend in every freaking conversation. I cannot help it, it seems that everything triggers memories of him.

giphy

Sometimes I feel like you cannot keep up with everything which is happening with him. He’s out there making new friends and having new adventures. I am happy to hear that he is carrying on with his life and having a great time. Yet, I cannot help but feel a pang of jealousy. Because other people are having quality time with them and I’m unable.  I know that it is kind of selfish and irrational. But who said feelings are logical?

It isn't fair

To counter the current situation, we try to make ourselves as present as possible in each other’s life. Still, there is some sort of disconnectedness – that we are not really there.  We do what we can – inquire, listen and experience as much as possible. So, is it really worth it? I have come across so many skeptical people. “Does this really work?” They ask. To them, LDR is doomed and has no future. But let me tell you something: we do not just wait and miss each other like crazy.

waiting

I think we have both learned a few things about our own relationship. Namely, that we are committed to each other. See, despite the hardship and the distance, we cannot imagine life without each other. I think that by now we know where we stand and what we want out of this. The LDR has really put things into perspective. And we have learned how to be more creative in terms of demonstration of love. It’s him sending me that beautiful necklace that made him think of me or me sending him a letter that I think he would love. Suddenly, the little things matter the most. I know LDR is stressful and a bit high-maintenance but it works if you are truly committed and have something to look forward. How about you? Have you ever been in a LDR? What are your tips to make it work?

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Am I becoming a bad Mauritian?

ellen

A guy walked up to me last time in the mall while I was doing my shopping. He wanted to sell me something. Usually, my Mauritian instinct would make me sit through it and with a polite smile. But, I caught myself cutting him off by bluntly saying that “I am not interested”. I was shocked by the words that came out of my mouth. And, the fact that I did not have that embarrassed smile that Mauritians have when they have to say something negative.

Truth be told, Mauritians have a high context culture. We do not say directly what is on our mind. Especially, if it is negative. As a result, a large amount of our communication is done in a non-verbal manner. You can learn a lot from our gestures, pauses and facial expressions. Do not dare to be too direct or you will be considered as being offensively blunt. Most of the times, when Mauritians are directly saying something not nice be sure that they have some issues with you…(But again, there are a few exceptions.) Being Mauritian means reading between the lines and interpreting facial expressions.

I remember making plans with some of my Mauritians friends. We were supposed to go out, but no one was in the mood. Instead of cancelling the plan, we just stopped talking about the plan and talked about other things. This was a hint that no one wanted to go out. At some point, one of just asked: “so what happened to our plan?” To which, a friend responded: “this is typical Mauritian behavior. No one wants to be the want to say that he does not want to come”.

Six months that I am living in Canada and I can feel myself changing. After all, you cannot go abroad and expect that your host country’s culture will not rub off on you. I am getting used to the fast paced life. I always use the left side of the escalator because I want to be quick and I am always standing up ready to leave before the bus stops.

Yet, I always catch myself thinking that my reintegration in Mauritius will not be easy. Since, this kind of attitude is not very “common” in my home country. I am sure that if I do this, I will be told: “bis la pas pou arrete meme là mamazelle? Kifer ou presse coumsa?” (Isn’t the bus going to stop anyway miss? Why are you in such a hurry?). While in Canada, people always seem to be in a hurry, Mauritians have a more “relaxed” approach toward life. In fact, Mauritians have a very laid back attitude. But, that does not mean that we are lazy. Far from it! Just blame it on the fact that we are a polychronic culture.

We have a very different notion of time…Punctuality is not one of our traits. In fact, we are poor timekeepers. If you are scheduling a meeting with someone, expect them anywhere between fifteen minutes and half an hour late. Except, if it is a business meeting then they will make it a point to be on time. Every time I schedule a meeting with my Mauritian friends who are in Canada, I always expect some of them to be late. And I am sure to hear them say “I’m still on Mauritian time”. This basically suggests that it is a normal thing.

But to people from other cultures, this might be quite irritating. My friend from Quebec is always texting me to confirm the time when we have to meet. “Make sure you come on time”, she stresses. Last time, we were waiting for one of our Mauritian friends and she just remarked: “considering he’s Mauritian, I expect to wait for him for at least two hours”. It is not rudeness, I guess it is just a cultural thing.

Though I still make my black Mauritian tea every morning, my approach toward life and my way of thinking have changed. I noticed it every time I think individually instead of collectively. Or talk about money…Last time when I talked about making some money to my aunt and I was quickly rebuked. “Money is not everything in life,” she said. I had almost forgotten that it is indecent to talk about money in Mauritius and we do not put a price on everything we do for someone. Or otherwise, people will label you as being “money-minded”. “Li mari content casse ça” (He really loves money). I used to feel very uncomfortable when people talk openly about money in Canada. But, I got used to it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I will forget my Mauritian culture. Will I become one of those Mauritians who after living abroad for a long time pretend that they can no longer speak in French or creole? Will I be one of those expats who can no longer identify themselves with the Mauritian culture? I have been reading about reversal culture shock just like I read about culture shock before coming to Canada. I always wonder how the trip back home will be. Will I have to adjust to my own country again? If you have ever experience reversal culture shock, by all means leave your experience in the comment section below. I am very interested to hear about your experience. If you wonder how your trip back home will be, do not forget to share your thoughts too ;).

im-all-ears

Signs you grew up Mauritian

 

  1. You were threatened by your parents that you’ll end up sweeping the floor or in a sugarcane field if you did not get good grades when you were a kid.

threatened-by-parents

2. If you didn’t go to a private high school, you had to endure a single-sex high school.

high-school

3. You flirt in French but swear like a sailor in creole when you are angry.

swearing

4. The first time you meet someone, you speak in French. Depending on the response, you will decide if the rest of the conversation is going to be in French or in Creole.

enchante

5. You know at least one Mauritian friend who did not know how to speak creole because his parents forbid him to speak in that language. Or you are that Mauritian who was forbidden to speak in creole.

cant-speak

6. It is difficult for you to stick to only one language when talking to someone. Chances are, you will be mixing some french words, creole and English. Just like in this video:

7. You REALLY know how to dance the sega just like in this video:

Or you can manage it just like in this video:

Or you suck at it just like this guy in this video:

8. Either  category you fall, you always tell yourself that foreigners don’t know how to “casse lerein” (Make their hips swing) when you see them dance.

disaproving

9. If you don’t know how to make a rougaille, you’re not a true Mauritian.

cooking

9. You use “Ayo” to express annoyance and “fouf” to express frustration or annoyance too.

annoyance

10. Tea is very important. You drink it in the morning and it is important to have a “tea break” around 3 pm or 4 pm.

tea

11. You’ve been told your whole life that Rhum can solve coldness and some health issues…

rhum

 

12. When you meet another Mauritian and he/she asks you your last name and the place you live, you are sure that they will do a background research on you.

background-research

13. You didn’t listen to sega when you were in Mauritius but you found yourself indulging in Cassiya when you were feeling homesick abroad. Cassiya’s video:

12. That instant bond you get when you meet another Mauritian abroad when you hear him/her speak creole.

instant-bond

Don’t forget to like and share this blog post if you like it ;). And leave me your thoughts on the comment section below. Cheers :).